Many people are forthcoming about their hobbies. I once had a fervent home brewer go into a monologue that lasted a full hour because I asked him if they still sold those beer-making kits in the tin can.

“You know, the ones you make in a 5-gallon bucket,” I said.

“Whaaaat?” He shook his head.

“You know, you mix it up in the bucket and leave it for a couple of weeks with a towel over it,” I said. My experience was limited to what I had seen my father do, of course.

“No, no,” he shook his head and then went on to tell me exactly what I needed and what I needed to do with it and how exactly I should do all of it and even why I should do any of it.

I felt like I had done something wrong.

Anyway, other people are quite the opposite and it can take a good amount of time with the right chisel to chip any information out of them at all.

A prime example of that, of course, would be my old buddy Pete.

“So, Pete,” I said one day, “What will you do when you retire.”

He looked at me strangely. He was marking out long 2x12s for a set of stair stringers. “Don’t make me mess up.”

“Huh?”

He looked back down at the square on the wood. “You know,” he said, “Once you’ve drawn so many lines on one of these you can forget how you’re supposed to line up the square.”

“Isn’t it a bit obvious?”

He glared at me.

“Seriously, what will you do when you retire? Maybe you could become one of those Walmart greeters.” I laughed. He ignored me.

“I’ve got plenty to do,” he said.

“Do you have any hobbies? You know, other than scaring small children.” I laughed some more. The square was beginning to look particularly threatening, though.

“You’re full of beans today, aren’t you?” he said. Well, except he didn’t use the word “beans”.

“I’m curious, that’s all.”

He made some more marks in silence then looked at me and quietly said, “When I stop working, I’m gonna live my lifelong dream to be a champion ballroom dancer.”

You could’ve heard a pin drop.

“Hahahaha!” he yelled, “You’re an idiot!”

“You’re pretty good at that,” I said, “You should be an actor or maybe a stand-up comedian. Although greeter still stands out as a prime occupation.”

Now, it turns out, Pete actually had a hobby. He liked to build model boats, which he told me one day without me asking. But he didn’t dedicate his entire life to it after he retired. In fact, he only retired for about two months. Then he went back to work, but not with me. So, I’m not completely sure what work he did after that, but I suspect he did no ballroom dancing.

And if he had been a greeter, I think it would have eventually made the news.