So, I’ve been busy with work and various other things. Work, I don’t mind, but many of the various other things you need to bother yourself with, especially if you work for yourself … I’d rather not get into it.

I remember several years ago talking to a guy who had once worked for himself in the construction trade. His advice at that time was, “Don’t.”

But it’s not like that’s all that keeps me away from the workshop and finishing my projects and starting new ones. I may have mentioned before that I have another hobby collecting old film cameras and also using them. I have been paying a lot of attention to that, lately, taking pictures and making prints. But that’s not what most strongly keeps me out of the workshop.

No, what most strongly motivates me to stay out of there is, quite simply, something called The Random Onerous Request.

What is that, you say? Well, first of all, “onerous” is a powerful word and everyone should get to use it at least once in his life. And that it is “random” actually mean “seemingly random”, as in, it seems to come out of nowhere and have nothing to do with anything. That’s essential. But more importantly is the idea of a “request”, that it comes from outside the personal world of projects you choose to do and ended up hating.

I’m sure many of you married people are familiar with this. Or even you people who still live with your parents. Imagine, you’re trying to creep out the door some afternoon without being noticed by Mom or Pop when the creaky, irritating voice says, “If you’re going out, you should find yerself a job!”

“But I’m only 36 and trying to find myself!”

“Go find yerself a GD job! Stop stinkin up my basement!”

Random Onerous Request.

As for you married people, I think your agreement to fulfil any and all Random Onerous Requests was listed on the documentation you signed when you got married.

Anyway, I’m afraid I can’t actually get into what this request is, or I’ll get pestered. One of the key characteristics of the Random Onerous Request is the person who asks you to do it actually thinks it is a Necessary Fulfilling Task. That person thinks the thing you are asked to do or make is actually needed, but the logic behind how that could be true is lost on you. Furthermore, the person who asks you to do it thinks it’s actually something you will want to do. That’s the best one. I don’t know how many times I have been asked to dedicate an eight or ten hour day of working on my own to make something for someone because I supposedly enjoy it. I actually enjoy getting paid, more.

Maybe it’s different for people who don’t work with tools for a living. Maybe accountants or bus drivers who do woodworking on the weekend don’t mind spending their free time doing something that seems pointless just because someone asks him to do it. No?

As for work, there is the Work-Related Random Altruistic Request. This is when someone comes and asks you to do something, because you are capable of doing it, but never bothers to even suggest you should get paid for it. For you people who work by the hour, that would be something like, “Could you maybe come to my office after work and we’ll discuss these projects you’ve been working on?” You know, the key phrase there is “after work”. Or perhaps, “Can I pick your brain about something?” That one always leads to at least one solid hour of answering stupid questions for no good reason, because you are 100% certain that the person you’re talking to will not remember a word, probably doesn’t understand what you’re saying, and ultimately just wanted to waste your time.

Anyway, back to the current problem. I’ll get over it eventually. And then I’ll fulfil the Random Onerous Request (and wait for the next one). In the meantime, I’ll try to enjoy avoiding it. But it’s much easier to enjoy the things you’re allowing yourself not to do. It’s much harder to enjoy being reminded by someone else that you’re not doing what he or she asked you to do.

I should adopt a tactic employed by a construction site supervisor I met once. Pretend I have a hearing aid. Pretend the battery is dead.

Just remember, folks, the key phrases you’re looking for is, “Hey! You’ve got a workshop, don’t you?” and “You’re good with tools, aren’t you?” and “You’re pretty handy, right?” The answer to all these questions is an assertive, “No.”