Conversation overheard at the hardware store:

“Does this paint come in green?”

“Yes. It can be tinted any colour you want.” The guy in the red vest pointed out the huge display of paint colour samples. “Just pick the one you want.”

“Oh, I already know,” the customer said. “I want green.”

Question overheard at the hardware store:

“Are these nails the right ones for going into concrete? I want nails I can put in concrete.”

“They can go in concrete,” said the guy in the blue vest. “We have a large selection of fasteners.”

“But can these nails go into concrete block?”

He was holding up a box of wood screws.

Accusation overheard at hardware store:

“This chain saw doesn’t work.”

“Oh, would you like a refund?”

“I’d like a saw that works. This one seems like it should work but it doesn’t.”

“Oh. Well, it seems like the chain is in backward.”

“That’s the way it’s supposed to be.”

Clearance table at the hardware store:

– One cordless drill with a battery pack that is cracked.
– Several sets of door hardware that have been opened and contain missing screws.
– An electric planer with its blades smashed from attempting to plane a nail or screw.

Conversation overheard at hardware store:

“I’ve never replaced a light fixture before. Is this ceiling fan easy to install?”

“Sure,” said the guy in the orange vest,” Just follow the instructions. And make sure the light switch is turned off before you start.”

Question overheard at the hardware store:

“Where are the drywall nails?”

“Oh,” said the guy in the green vest, “They don’t make nails for drywall. You want screws.”

“Now listen here,” said the customer, “If I wanted screws I would’ve asked for screws. And they do make nails for drywall.”

“I’m sorry sir,” said the sales associate, “But I’ve never seen any.”

The customer opened his mouth. Then closed his mouth firmly and walked away. If he’d been a cartoon character, steam would have been billowing from his head.