So, it’s Father’s Day.

Truthfully, I have never expected or wanted anything for being a father. I’ve been one for over twenty years and I don’t think there was any need to make a day about it. Of course, the heads that sell the world need to encourage people to buy, buy, buy. I haven’t ever noticed there was any actual discouragement of buying at any other time of the year, though.

But, as with every year, since Father’s Day was approaching, my email inbox suddenly became over-filled with special offers from every place I’ve ever purchased anything from. A case in point would be some tiny and obscure company I once bought a child’s electronics lab from. You know those things: they are cardboard boxes with things sticking out, you jump connections with wires according to the instructions, and you can end up with something that flashes a light or beeps a beeper, buzzes a buzzer, dings a dinger. The one I got could make a radio. It was a gift for my oldest son, 15 years ago. Well, they have Father’s Day deals.

It took me a full day to recall who they were.

Most of the other retailers who email me their special offers are more useful to me, though. But I must say, this year I was disappointed by the fact that there were no special offers that appealed to me. I do like the idea of 15% off select router bits, but not when the router bits selected are 1/4 inch. And the cordless tools on special are always the mediocre variants of the ones I need to use.

Now, a really good deal on some 10-inch saw blades would be great. I never got any such offer.

Nor did I see any special deal on a gas-powered lawnmower, to replace my irritating electric one. But I can’t expect a tremendous deal on one in June. This is when people around here are recognizing their grass needs to be cut.

Anyway, I now have a solution to my lawnmowing problems. I told my youngest son I would pay him to run the push mower (not the electric one) over the lawn twice a week. It’s something I should have been doing for years, actually. I’m told by people who want to sell them that push mowers make for a better lawn.

In other lawn news, incidentally, I discovered a good way to deal with the multitude of thistles growing amidst the grass. I went out and bought a spray bottle, some rubber gloves, and a bottle of muriatic acid. The thistles last a minute or so after you spray them with that. I read online that people use vinegar. Why use something that’s 5% acid when you can use something that’s 38% acid?

I did water it down.

It does have a tendency to kill the grass, too, though. But that’s actually a bonus. Dead grass doesn’t need to be mowed.

Anyway, getting things such as saw blades, router bits, lawnmowers, or electronics labs (not that I want one) for Father’s Day from my kids would actually be a disappointment. What I want for Father’s Day is for one or two of my kids to come and say, “You know what? Happy Father’s Day! We’ll take care of everything from here on out.”

Talk about a fantasy….

Instead, my Father’s Day got off to a splendid start. At roughly 2 am, my 2-year-old daughter started screaming for some unknown reason. I went in and got her to stop. I think she was over heated from being outside too long yesterday. Anyway, I couldn’t leave the room, since she wanted someone right beside her. Apparently, someone else’s discomfort provides comfort for what ails you. So, I spent five hours of my new Father’s Day lying on a rug on a wood floor. And I’m too old for that.

Happy Father’s Day.